When I awoke this morning, I stayed in his quarters. It was irresponsible of me, but I wanted to learn more about the man he is, see what things are precious to him...besides Sir Torael.
He came back to the ship, and we talked of his distress over the absence of his beloved...oh how I wanted to ease his pain! I said so and he...Mia, he knew! He knew of my feelings...it was so embarrassing.
He offered again to show me how men love. He wanted me to know it was not...about feelings, merely an offer physical.
I...was less frightened this time. And I know I have no right to ask for the captain's feelings. I know he loves Sir Torael. I'm certain he wouldn't even offer only...I do not know the ways of two men together.
He found my...prison and seemed disappointed. He was going to leave it at that, but I asked if there was any other way I might soothe his distress.
Mia...he showed me. It was not so difficult...I think. He said I did well. But Mia. He did not kiss or hold me, or speak with sweet words as the sailor did that night. He merely touched my face and left...told me to go into the city for some fresh air.
And...he made me promise to keep what happened between we two.
I do not know how to describe to you what's happened.
I was in the galley cleaning when a woman in leather entered. I introduced myself, made tea and conversation, and she told me a very romantic story about how she could have killed her husband but didn't.
Then the captain came. Oh, Mia! How the mere sound of his bootsteps makes my heart leap around in my chest. My face is eternally on fire around him. I hope it does not show.
He asked me to dine with him, and I was absolutely in heaven, but then the conversation got strange. Both of them started asking me questions I did not understand, and then...
Oh, Mia, it's too embarrassing to write! I saw them! Bare and...round...and oh dear. Right in my face!
I swooned. Next I knew, there was a foul smell in my nostrils, and I was waking up on the floor. I think I hit my head.
The captain asked to be alone with me, and I thought my skin would burst into flames. He knelt down by me, and I nearly fainted again.
He took me in his arms, and held me for MINUTES as though I weighed nothing. Mistress Kay was kind enough to make certain I was all right before she left. And then... The captain carried me to his quarters, laid me on his bed and locked the door.
I don't know why, Mia, but it made me greatly fearful. I broke out in a cold sweat and my knees wouldn't stop shaking.
But the captain, he merely told me to rest while he sat down at his writing desk.
Just when I thought he'd forgotten I was there, he rose and came to me...so very close... Then he held me...in a way both uncomfortable and frightening, and asked me how his proximity made me feel.
I tried to answer honestly, but it seemed to upset him. Oh, I tried to make it right, Mia! I want so desperately for him to like me.
I know he loves Torael, but I can still be his friend, can't I? He told me so much of his feelings that first day we met...I felt so close to him...that he'd entrusted me with something so precious...
Somehow in my trying to make it right and his turning away from me, it ended with him sitting next to me. He put his hand on my...leg, and said the most awesome things. I don't dare repeat them. They were too much to be believed. And then, his hand rose higher, and I fainted again.
Oh, he seemed so cross when I woke up! He told me he was leaving, and that I could sleep the night alone in his bed or in my bunk, however suited me best.
How I wept, Mia. It brings tears to my eyes again just thinking of it. The captain must hate me now. Whatever shall I do?
My mind is overfull of so many things. Breasts...sex between men But how do they do it?
I am alone now in the captain's sumptuous bed, and the expensive linens feel so good against my bare skin. The bedding is wrapped in the most enticing scent. Musky and spicy both at once. It makes me think of the captain...as though he's lying here with me...
Oh, Mia. Surely this is why father wanted to send me away. But. Ohhhhhh, Captain...oh...Torael!...Captainnnnnnnnnn
((There is a squiggly line falling away from the last n as though his pen slid right off the paper at that point.))
Oh, Mia! It's terrible...but wonderful... I hardly know how to react! When I went to check in with the captain, he seemed...agitated, and so of course I did my best to inquire as to the cause.
He asked me to walk with him—I have never struggled so to keep up with another man's strides!--and after some time, confessed to me his feeling of deep affection and devotion to his first mate.
I was shocked! But he was so sincere...in so much pain... I wanted to help him so dearly.
You know your Machael, Mia. All I have of love I've derived from books. I had little balm to offer the captain's wounded heart.
At some point in my startled babbling, I mentioned he should give Torael a gift. He lit on this, and made me swear to somehow get from Sir Torael what he might like. I vowed to do my best to gain the first mate's confidence and, failing that, to somehow obtain this information through other means.
But I feel bad, Mia. Torael has been so kind to me. I truly wish to be his friend, but I am uncertain how this promise to the captain will affect that.
How did things get so complicated so quickly? I want what's best for my new friends, I want them to be happy, but I also want to be an accepted member of the crew...so desperately. And the captain--
No. That's silly.
But he trusts me. I don't know why. It makes me feel...special.
How it wracked my soul to leave you behind today! But I will return for you someday, I swear it!
For now, I will write you these letters so you may know how your sweet Machael fares out in the cruel, cruel world.
As I told you before I left, my first plan upon escape was to secure funds to run far and fast. But when I arrived at the bank, the teller told me a hold had been placed on my accounts so that I was unable to make any withdrawals without Mama or Papa present.
Why would he do that? Did he know?
I was lamenting my fate when the sweetest little man addressed me so very kindly. He listened to my tale of woe and offered cheer with a white smile and sage advice. When he learned of my emperor title in fencing, he suggested I might hire out my blade.
I can hardly imagine what ruffians I may have encountered in such a life. But it seems I was to be spared finding out.
The small, sweet man was Torael, first mate on a pirate ship that's setting out soon. I was exclaiming over the romanticism of pirates when my ear caught the music of untuned chimes approaching.
Oh, Mia! Perhaps the most handsome elf I've ever seen stood there watching us. He is tall—so tall! Taller even than I am. But muscularly built, and with the most beautiful long hair not unlike mine. There was something just a hint strange about his countenance...I cannot quite put my finger on it...
He introduced himself as Lord Tirin Dawnshatter, and I felt immediately at ease. Not only was this strange elf so dreadfully handsome, but nobility as well—granted, not a name with which I'm familiar—but who cares?
Torael laughed and revealed Lord Dawnshatter was his ship's captain, and then the two of them spoke as though I wasn't there...though I was. I couldn't quite follow, I only know that the weight of the captain's eyes when he looked on me made my thighs hurt, and then they were suddenly speaking to me again.
Oh, Mia, they offered me a position aboard their ship! I, your Machael, am going to be a pirate~ How romantical it all is.
As icing on the cake, the captain took my hand and pressed a several coins into it, instructing me to go supply myself with what I needed to ship out!
Can there be anything better than an unnaturally handsome man who calls you by sweet names and thrusts money upon you, demanding you go shopping? I am sure I can think of nothing.
I've all done shopping now. Torael looks so dashing in his leathers, he inspired me to dress a bit more conservatively. I wish someday I can be so cheerful and outgoing as he is. He must make friends everywhere he goes.
Now I shall check in with the captain and return his change. With his approval, the ship will be my next stop!
Oh, Mia. How I wish you could be here with me for this grand adventure~